Doing Business With Friends

You've probably heard the statement, "It's not personal; it's just business." Well, Doing business is personal, and finding someone you like and trust has become more complex, and this is why doing business with friends can be such a good thing. Or is it? 

As a customer, you deserve the best service, and just because you are friends with someone who offers a product or service doesn't mean you should feel obligated to use them. On the other hand, if your friend is good at what they do, communicates effectively, and sets expectations should you consider doing business with them? The question that surfaces usually sounds like this, "What if I do business with a friend and it ruins our relationship?  

I hope this will guide you to know when you should do business with a friend and when you should not do business with a friend because it could damage the relationship.   

Here's my story. 

I have a friend (let's call him Daniel). I consider Daniel to be one of my top three friends. Daniel and I are the kinds of friends that have known each other since middle school. We were friends in high school and, while in college, lived together for a while. You could say we've gotten to know each other pretty well. Haha. 

Fifteen years later, life is busy with constant activities and kids, and it prevents Daniel and me from getting together as much as we'd like, but we get together a few times a year to have drinks and catch up.  (maybe you can relate).

 I should pause and mention I am a Realtor® and have been in business for 19 years. I am fortunate to have a successful career and have worked by referral exclusively with hundreds of clients for years. A big part of my success has come from focusing on excellent service. I've learned exceptional service means treating each client as if they were my only client by communicating effectively and exceeding expectations. In addition,  My wife and I own a real estate agency where we train and coach 30 real estate agents to boost their sales production and increase their profits so that they can reclaim their freedom.

Now back to the story. 

Daniel called me at the end of 2019 to tell me that he and his wife had purchased a new house.  As a Realtor, that's the last thing you want to hear. You work so hard to be top of mind for people in your network, so they call you when they want to buy or sell a house. So, not having one of your closest friends call you for help can be devastating. During our conversation, it was clear that he felt terrible and said it "just kind of happened." As a professional, I had two choices. I could be bitter and take it personally or choose to understand where he was coming from, and we could move on as friends. I took a deep breath and said, " Let's move on as friends. "

A few weeks later, Daniel and I had lunch.  He explained in more detail what happened and how not taking the time to call me and ask for my help buying their home had affected him badly.  It was evident that he was remorseful and genuinely cared about our relationship.  

Our conversation moved on to the house he would have to sell (BTW, I helped them buy that home). He shared a recent experience with a "friend" he attempted to do business with that went poorly, which concerned him about working with a friend again. Once Daniel shared all his concerns, we discussed them in detail and covered how we could work together and ensure it was a win-win. For example, if, during the process, our friendship was at risk, we would end the working relationship. We agreed that when they got ready to put the house on the market in the coming months,  we would sit down and talk about it in more detail.  The last thing Daniel said to me was, "I feel good about this now." I left feeling good about our friendship and the care we both took to explain our viewpoints. We agreed to follow up and meet about it when they got ready. 

Four months later is where it all goes wrong. I ran a report for another client, and up came Daniel's house for sale. It had been on the market for a  MONTH already! No call, no further explanation, no heads up. I even recall us talking during the Covid-19 quarantine, but there was no mention of their house being for sale.  I was shocked and confused. It would have been one thing to call me and express concerns about my ability, professionalism, or experience—no call or explanation as a friend.  

This experience is something I hear all the time from friends in business for themselves. In my story, I felt we effectively communicated our concerns and developed a plan of action, but it still failed. So many thoughts went through my head. Did our friendship mean more to me than to him? Why would he not call me? I was hurt and disappointed. I might not have been happy with his decision to work with someone else, but I valued the friendship over the lost business and would have moved on quickly. It wasn't about losing the opportunity to make money but about how I felt treated. It felt like a punch to the gut at the time, and I felt like I had lost a friend.    

So how could this have been avoided? I learned some valuable lessons from my experience, and these steps will guide you in protecting your relationships when doing business with friends. 

You, the customer: 

• If your friend has little experience or is not good at what they do in their industry, you need to have an honest conversation upfront.

"I value our friendship, and my concern is your experience level is low. I need your help finding someone who has more experience."

 Sometimes, your friend can earn a referral fee or partner with a more experienced person in their office. 

•  Don't "ghost" your friend and let them find out you are doing business with someone else. Be willing to have a difficult conversation if you choose not to do business with them. 

• Don't use a bad experience in the past as a reason not to do business with friends. Not all experiences are equal. 

• Suppose you and your spouse cannot get on the same page working with a friend.  It's imperative to communicate with the friend about what is going on. Be honest and open about what's happening. A friend will understand and respect you for it. If sharing the behind-the-scenes of your life is uncomfortable, find a way to show respect and care for your friend. Talk about how you can help that friend with their business. For example, please support them by sharing their post, writing recommendations, and, most importantly, referrals. 

• If the friend (business professional) gets upset that you aren't using them, remember that it's normal, but it shouldn't destroy your friendship. You were friends without the business transaction, so it should never reach a breaking point with the business transaction. 

You, the business person; 

Your responsibility is to communicate how you will work together if and when the opportunity arises, and you have a plan to make it a win-win. 

•  Ask good open-ended questions.  For example, What are your biggest fears or concerns about working together? The key here is to have the conversation before emotions are high. 

• Be prepared that your friend might have concerns or fears you cannot overcome. Do not take it personally; you should protect your friendship and be professional. This is your opportunity to show how much you care for your friend and express appreciation for the open and honest conversation. You should wish them the best of luck and continue supporting them as friends. 

What if you follow all the steps and they still don't do business with you?   Anytime someone says, "It's not personal, it's just business," it might be time to pause and reassess the relationship. There might be a misalignment of values and a lack of respect for the friendship. Sadly, You may have to transition from a friendship to more of an acquaintance. 

Doing business as friends can do one of two things. Expose either party to the shallow depth of the friendship, or you can discover the true joy of having a thriving friendship. A true friend is such a beautiful thing to experience. To have someone to trust and help carry you through difficult circumstances in life is something special. I feel lucky to have some great friends in life; some of them, I am their client, and they are my client. It has indeed been a blessing to experience such a deep level of trust and friendship in my life. Take the time to find friends who will support you, love you, be there in your times of trouble, and sometimes do business with those friends.